Mixed-Up Mergatroid

BEANERY ONLINE LITERARY MAGAZINE

MIXED-UP MERGATROID

Norma Leary

     Because it was raining cats, bats, dogs, frogs, and unsung rug-bugs in Scootertoot Circle, Bow knew he couldn’t play outdoors this Saturday afternoon.

     As he was wondering what to do on this rainy day, his dog, Scuttlemutt, ran to the door and began barking.

     “Someone’s coming,” Bow thought. Although Scuttle refused to talk, get a job to earn his food, and spent most days sleeping or going in and out, he was great at announcing visitors.

     Sure enough, Bow heard ‘rat, tap, rap-a-tap-tap.’ “Knock, knock, who’s there?” he called.

     “Boo.”

     “Boo who?” asked Bow.

     “Quit crying and let your rocket-rider regal-alien come in. My waterproof skin is getting water spotted and might shrink,” was his answer.

     “Hi Mergatroid, what’s up?” asked Bow, opening the door.

     Mergatroid put on his pouter outer space face and said, “I used to be far, far up until our Starazoid King saucer-shipped me here to study and write about your Untied States history.”

      Needing to correct Merg’s state of mind, Bow said, “Cool it, Merg. We’re United, not

Listen Up and Talk Down

BEANERY ONLINE LITERARY MAGAZINE

LISTEN UP AND TALK DOWN

Norma E. Leary

     If you’re really listening to what people are saying, you’re certainly aware of the continuing epidemic of uptalking.  “Uptalk,” in a manner of speaking, is the habitual verbal delivery of declarative sentences ending with audible question marks rather than periods, i. e. “It truly is annoying?” (Yes, it is, unless you’re tone deaf.)

     Media talk show guests are often guilty of omitting periods more noticeable when the questioning tone is heard throughout declarative, compound sentences. It smacks of the talker bent on alerting listeners not to interrupt because he or she isn’t finished: “Me and my friend (I’m already cringing) went to see his show?, we had box seats? and so were up close? and glad we went” because it was worth the price?”

     Exhausting to hear! As unnerving as a mouthful of

YARD SALES UNSETTLE ME

—written by Norma Leary

Yard sales unsettle me. An overabundance of wares, many unopened with the original price showing, screams of the vender’s unwise spending since the stuff wasn’t used.

Along with the sellers trying to get nickels for what should be given away to the needy, are the buyers

WHY NOT EQUITABLE “HORROR” ADS?

—written by Norma

The first time I saw Kotex on a store shelf without its brown wrapper disguise, I nearly swooned. Imagine my horror when television sprouted ads for feminine hygiene spray, douches, bras, and lastly, condoms. Note the inequity here.

Why not ads for jock straps,

COPYRIGHTS GET NO RESPECT!

—written by Norma Leary 

Rodney Dangerfield and copyrights have problems getting respect. There are horrid hordes of people helping themselves to any copyrighted material a copy machine can handle.

Some of the worst offenders reside in our supposed citadels of honesty:

NORMA

While sorting through my books and photographs, I came across a copy of Norma’s book, which read a number of years ago. It is signed “When one becomes too old to set a bad example, it’s time to give advice.”

Norma was the organist