Beanery Online Literary Magazine

March 23, 2011

WTF: The Church Janitor and the Pigeons

Filed under: WR/BW DMITRI — beanerywriters @ 3:00 am
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BEANERY ONLINE LITERARY MAGAZINE
WTF: THE CHURCH JANITOR AND THE PIGEONS
Dmitri

I took a joke I heard, which did not include WTFs, and created a story that did include WTFs.

     A priest noticed many pigeons which were living on the fine cathedral he so fervently loved—pigeons which were, well…. doing what pigeons do. The priest exclaimed WTF (Were These Feathers) those of angels I would not mind their presence here. So he asked the janitor to solve the problem. The janitor said WTF (Wings That Flap) shall no more flap and crap upon your blessed roof!
     The Janitor climbed high to the very tip of the steeple, where he placed the image of an (more…)

December 5, 2010

Times: They are A-Changing

BEANERY ONLINE LITERARY MAGAZINE

TIMES: They are A-Changing

Bob Sanzi

     Were you born before 1960? 

     If so, you would be one of those kids whose parents told their children what to do and when to do it. There was direction in your life then. It was a much easier world to understand. Things just seemed simpler. 

     Isn’t everything more complicated now? Nothing we do is simple anymore. Do you think the world is all out of whack?  How many times in a day do you find yourself thinking “Huh?”

     For example: Did you buy a box of frozen green beans only to find that when you opened it the beans were lumped in a plastic bag with a chunk of something yellow?  When you dug the empty box out of the kitchen trash did you discover specific instructions on what to do with the bagged beans? Did it involve a microwave? 

     See what I mean?

~~~~~~~~~~~~

     When I was in high school I learned how to type. Leaning how to drive a typewriter was supposed to help you when you went to College. So I was instructed to learn to type because I would be going to college.

     When is the last time you saw a typewriter? Here’s an interesting exercise: try to explain a typewriter to (more…)

October 27, 2010

It’s a Pumpkin’s Life

BEANERY ONLINE LITERARY MAGAZINE

IT’S A PUMPKIN’S LIFE

 Fran Welts

The Beanery Writers Group in Latrobe, Pennsylvania, sends its members and submitters a writing prompt each Monday. The following post is a result of the October 4, 2010, prompt:

Pretend that you are a jack-o-lantern. Describe Halloween from a jack-o-lantern’s point of view.

If you would like to receive the weekly prompt, e-mail beanerywriters at yahoo.com with the words WRITING PROMPT REQUEST in the subject line.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

     Morning. Such a wonderful, colorful, crisp fall morning. It’s peaceful here, just me and five acres of my friends.

      We all look forward to this time of year, arguing over who is the best, who is the ripest, who will get picked first. You see, it really does matter that we ALL get picked for that crazy day the two legged creatures celebrate with us every year by dressing up. At least, they call it that! 

     How can anyone who puts blood and goop all over themselves be considered dressed up????
     From where I am in the field I can see a sign on the road. I have no idea what it says, but whenever it’s out it means that the short creatures will soon be running through this field and grabbing us up. Unfortunately, they aren’t always careful, and some of us wind up smashed all over the ground. What a sad, sad time for some. 

     For those of us chosen it’s a marvelous time. We get to leave this field, the dirt, the cold, and go with the creatures to the places they stay.
     Oh look! Here they come! Big yellow things full of them, yelling and making noise. Big happy looks on their tops!! Running at full speed, yelling “I want this one, no I want that one!.” Oh here comes a sweet looking one. It (more…)

October 22, 2010

Chosen from the Pumpkin Patch

BEANERY ONLINE LITERARY MAGAZINE

CHOSEN FROM THE PUMPKIN PATCH

Jan McLaughlin

     Here I am laying and sunning myself in the garden, snuggling with my siblings. Sometimes it rains on me (us), that feels good too.

     OH NO, what’s happening? Why is that guy chopping me from my vine? He’s doing it to all of us. OH NO, now I’m for sale.

     Oh good, a little girl bought me and is hugging me. We’re going for a ride in the car. I wonder what will happen next?

     OW! Her dad is cutting off the top of my head. OW-OW-OW. Now he is scooping out my (more…)

December 23, 2009

Do You Hear What I Hear?

BEANERY ONLINE LITERARY MAGAZINE

DO YOU HEAR WHAT I HEAR?

An Irritating Christmas Carol

Melanie Stefanic

 

     Every year when I hear a certain Christmas song I cringe at one phrase. 

     “Here it comes,” I think when I hear the carol Do You Hear What I Hear:

               Said the shepherd boy to the mighty king
               Do you know what I know
               In your palace wall mighty king
               Do you know what I know
               A child, a child
               Shivers in the cold
               Let us bring him silver and gold
               Let us bring him silver and gold

     The irritating phrase, repeated (more…)

October 30, 2009

Interviewing Casper the Friendly Ghost

BEANERY ONLINE LITERARY MAGAZINE

INTERVIEWING CASPER THE FRIENDLY GHOST

Joanne et al

During our October Beanery Writers Group meeting, several Halloween prompts were given out. One was: You are the star reporter for Halloween Headline, and you’ve just landed an interview with Casper the Friendly Ghost. Write out 20 questions to ask during the interview. Responses from members of the group are below.

Do you eat? If so, where does the food go?

Do you have parents? Do ghosts beget ghosts or were you (more…)

March 19, 2009

Little Ears Are Listening

BEANERY ONLINE LITERARY MAGAZINE

LITTLE EARS ARE LISTENING

Fran

     “I want to be a body tool when I grow up!” little Jerry told his mom.
     “A what?” the very surprised mom asked.
     Jerry looked her square in the face and said, more loudly, “I told you I want to grow up to be a body tool just like daddy.”
     The young mom was at a loss for words. Daddy was an ad executive who occasionally did ad work for tool companies, but to her knowledge the little boy had never seen any of them. And the last thing she wanted was for her son to (more…)

December 18, 2008

SANTAS, MRS. SANTAS, ELF and REINDEER WANTED: Application #2

SANTAS CLAUS’S WANTED—also MRS. SANTA CLAUS’S, ELVES AND REINDEER—IMMEDIATELY!!!—from around the world, for the 2008 Christmas season. Please submit your resume’ immediately to: beaneryblog@yahoo.com (with the words SANTA  APPLICATION  or MRS. CLAUS APPLICATION  in the subject line!

BEANERY ONLINE LITERARY MAGAZINE

SANTAS, MRS. SANTAS, ELF and REINDEER WANTED:

Please apply

 

Application #2

Years of Santa experience–ho, ho, ho
Capacity to chuckle
Willing to work with children
Possess sturdy lap
Owner of (more…)

November 26, 2008

THANKSGIVING READINGS & GREETINGS

BEANERY ONLINE LITERARY MAGAZINE

 

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

From the

BEANERY WRITERS GROUP

 

 

TWO THANKSGIVING STORIES:

THE SNITTY CAT LIKES PUMPKIN PIE?

LEFTOVER TURKEY

 

To read a post about the birthmother in LEFTOVER TURKEY:

PENNSYLVANIA WEDDING, (LAMOINE) MAINE ROOTS

 

 

ADDITIONAL READING:

RIDING THE RAILS: A True Story

“DATING WHEN FIFTY-SOME:” A Guy’s Version

LEAF-PEEPING: Autumn Leaves

THOUGHTS FOR DAVID

JUST ANOTHER WEEKEND IN PARADISE

AND NOW, THE FORECAST

THE ART OF THE INTERVIEW: Things Writers Should Know

MY HAPPY PLACE

DAVID PAGE: Notes from St. David’s Writer’s Conference

LOBSTER-TALES

FLASHY MOON EXPLOSIONS

November 19, 2008

SHORT TRIP FROM SEATTLE, WASHINGTON To Ligonier, PA

BEANERY ONLINE LITERARY MAGAZINE
SHORT TRIP FROM SEATTLE, WASHINGTON
To Ligonier, Pennsylvania
JOAN W.

     Recently, I flew to Seattle to visit my sister in a retirement home.
     They have a guest room but it can be rented for four days only. I stayed there for that time and enjoyed the many elderly people I met. While there, I was asked to give a fifteen minute talk about (more…)

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