Beanery Online Literary Magazine

October 12, 2009

Living with OCD



as told to Carolyn C. Holland by Dmitri Beljan

      I was initially going to talk to you at a local café. However when you invited me to sit down, the place I was seated was not cleaned up from the previous guest. Although tolerable to sit there, I found myself uncomfortable and distracted by concerns about the dirty table. It took away from giving you my full attention.

     Sometimes it’s not a bad thing to worry about germs. For example, how many times have you ordered a baked potato at a particular fast food place and the waitress  who handled your money then squished the potatoes with her fingers and handed it to you? I found myself several times reminding food service personnel that you don’t handle food and money both. I don’t think that’s so bad.

     However if this behavior is carried to an extreme—e. g., asking her to clean the table twice—it could be considered a symptom of OCD.

     Thus began my interview with Dmitri.

     October 12-18, 2009, is National OCD Awareness Week. Dmitri is willing to share his story of living with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, commonly called OCD. Below he tells of live with OCD.

     My genetic makeup predisposed me to OCD. This condition was aggravated by my very religious family and the paranoia of the 1950s Cold War.

     When I was a little boy the thoughts that are now called obsessive thoughts were not recognized by me as such, and with the influence of religion, I interpreted it to be that I was possessed by demons.

     This scared the hell out of me. I became more concerned about (more…)

March 21, 2009

Finding Ben




     A press release on Finding Ben states, “Everyone needs love and affection—no matter what. For any parent who has ever experienced disappointment in their child’s failures comes Barbara LaSalle’s Finding Ben: a Mother’s Journey through the Maze of Asperger’s.
     Finding Ben is an honest portrait of parental love. Written in novel form, the book tells the story of what it is like to suffer from what the author calls ‘disappointed mother (more…)

December 15, 2008





a mind shatters
like a dropped plate

the glue that holds
your mind together
does not hold
your world falls apart
because the center
your mind
will not (more…)

May 8, 2008



We’re told one in four adults didn’t read a single book last year as if this is a shockingly low number, but I’m impressed that three in four did read a book. And why fuss over books? A lot of the books read are trash. (The linked article says the top picks were religion and popular fiction.) And plenty of serious reading doesn’t come in book form. —Ann Althouse ( from Tribune Review, Best of the Blogs, 26 Aug. 2007

For a different perspective, read the following post written by Beanery Writers Group member, Kathleen…

Mmmm!  Mmmm!  Sweet!  Satisfying!  Stimulating!  Nothing is enticing as a can’t-put-down book that keeps me riveted to the seat.  It promises to deliver life’s essentials: free therapy, (more…)

April 22, 2008

CHEST WADERS (and “Fishmas Eve”)

—written by Bernadette Myers

Locals call it “Fishmas Eve.” You know. That “holiday” celebrated by fishermen in the Ligonier Valley. I adapted a popular Christmas tale, “Twas the Night Before…Fishmas,” when nothing is stirring, not even a snake…when fishermen all travel with no fear…and camp among creatures, stirring, even (more…)