Beanery Online Literary Magazine

May 22, 2008


—written by Regina

Paul wrote, “This one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the heavenly call of God in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 3:13-14 (NRSV)

My life’s greatest pleasures have come from knowing, that I have so much to learn about life, and my experiences in the unknowing. I am willing to walk into the uncertainty as a child ready to receive both joy, and sorrow.
I sat with her. We cried. She sat there on the edge of the hospital bed, hands clasped, my arms draped around her. She was dying. The diagnosis was Cholangiocarcinoma, more commonly known as Bile Duct Cancer.

“Jean, my doctor was here. He informed me about the cancer, and then he suggested surgery. I’ve agreed to the insertion of a stent, which will afford me more time, but I am not having treatment. The physician said I have eleven months to live if I decline the cancer treatment.  I want to live out the remainder of my natural life as is.”

It began. The pacing.  Running, walking, or moving away from the problem helped when I needed an objective view. My mind desperately (more…)