Beanery Online Literary Magazine

March 23, 2011

WTF: The Church Janitor and the Pigeons

Filed under: WR/BW DMITRI — beanerywriters @ 3:00 am
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BEANERY ONLINE LITERARY MAGAZINE
WTF: THE CHURCH JANITOR AND THE PIGEONS
Dmitri

I took a joke I heard, which did not include WTFs, and created a story that did include WTFs.

     A priest noticed many pigeons which were living on the fine cathedral he so fervently loved—pigeons which were, well…. doing what pigeons do. The priest exclaimed WTF (Were These Feathers) those of angels I would not mind their presence here. So he asked the janitor to solve the problem. The janitor said WTF (Wings That Flap) shall no more flap and crap upon your blessed roof!
     The Janitor climbed high to the very tip of the steeple, where he placed the image of an owl, hoping to scare the fowl perched upon the aged stone they called their home. Then he said WTF (Watch Them Fly) from this edifice of granite, from which they will be banned…Ahh, now the Father will rest alone in peace to contemplate the scriptures.
     But it didn’t work.
     WTF (What’s To Fix) the janitor thought. I know. I’ll scare them with the loud report of my shotgun (the Janitor wouldn’t actually shoot the birds).
     But it didn’t work.
     The janitor thought and thought and sought and sought a solution to this problem. And he thought, WTF (Woe This Friday), when the mass will be!
     At last he came upon a solution! Running to the rectory, as direct as he could run, he presented to the priest the solution: Ye make them all members of the congregation, these birds, and they’ll only show up on Easter and Christmas!

“WTF!(Wow That’s Fantastic), the priest said.

     And yes, that worked. There were no more pigeons roosting on the fine cathedral the Father so fervently loved

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ADDITIONAL READING:

SHORT TRIP FROM SEATTLE, WASHINGTON To Ligonier, PA

PLEASE GIVE THAT MAN A QUARTER!

ON THE EVE OF 27

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