Beanery Online Literary Magazine

December 6, 2008

(SANTA) SUED FOR NON-SUPPORT

BEANERY ONLINE LITERARY MAGAZINE

(SANTA) SUED FOR NON-SUPPORT

RUSTIE

Rustie is a guest writer who has submitted poems to this site previously. He is a blind writer who composes and edits his poems on a tape recorder. Below is a spoof on Santa Claus.

As the judge looked down from his bench in the court,
It was plainly a case of non-support.

The thoughts that raced through his honor’s old head,
When he saw the white beard and the suit that was red.

He wanted to laugh for he thought it a joke,
But the woman who filed it declared she was broke.

She said she washed dishes in a truck stop nearby,
That was close to the pole, then started to cry.

“I married the fellow for better, for worse,
And since we’ve been wed, all’s gone in reverse.

Out in the workshop the racket and noise,
Day in and day out, he makes children’s toys.

“He spends all of his money on paintbrushes and wood,
And gives me none of the things that he should.

‘Twill probably ruin him the things I declare,
But before we all starve we’ll go on welfare.

“Now legend declares that this man is brave,
But the reason for the beard, he’s too lazy to shave.

And now that I’m talking, yes he is a louse,
The boots he is wearing came from the firehouse.

“That red suit of his, don’t let it deceive you.
I made it myself from a blanket, believe you.

And the little old sleigh and the eight tiny reindeer,
There’s a joke if you ever did hear.

“No wonder legend declares him an elf,
That rickety contraption, he built it himself.

The eight tiny reindeer you could buy for a farthing,
If it weren’t for a handout they’d all be starving. “

And the elves that do help him, hammer and glue,
They’re each one our children, we have twenty-two.

I’m not opposed to Christmas, your honor,
But if you don’t do something quick, we well all be goners.”

The judge studied the case, and then he turned pale.
He said, “Santa Claus, I hate to, but you’re going to jail!”

ADDITIONAL READING:

PAPER PLATES AND SILVER PLATTERS

MY SIDE OF THE VIGIL

PERTAINING TO THE SPIRIT

IT’S A WONDERFUL LIFE!!

FERAL BIRDS: THE LATEST COMMUNITY HAZARD

THE KILLER KITTEN

MY DOG

FLASHY MOON EXPLOSIONS

CHILDREN LEFT HOME ALONE (or in cars alone)

BEAR STORIES ACROSS THE NATION & BEAR CONFRONTATIONS: SAFETY PRECAUTIONS

WATCHING CORN GROW

HAIR UNAWARE

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